Addictive

Watching "The Wire" At least it has been for Chuck and I.

A couple of weeks ago I suggested to him that we try watching this. It was a series that ran on HBO for 5 seasons which we can rent through Blockbuster. I had always heard that it was the best TV show ever.

The truth of our lives - for Chuck and I - is that we actually don't do enough together. Frequently in the evening, he will watch sports on one TV and I will watch junk on another. I am sure that is true of many couples. Anyway, I thought this would be good for us to do together.

And it has been. We started and we got hooked. Now - every season is 12 to 13 episodes and we are not in the 5th season after a couple of weeks. That will tell you something.

It is about the city of Baltimore and covers lots of ground. There are multiple plots and characters and it takes you from the drug culture, to the police, to the dock workers, to the mayor's office, to the schools and to the newspaper. Eventually. I am very curious how it is all going to wrap up - we have 2 episodes to watch today.

It is showing all the ways in which our country is broken as the schools, the police, the government are all affected by people caring more about personal power and money. I can hardly describe it in words - you have to see it. The characters in this are memorable and I would love to show clips of it in a sermon but the profanity is throughout and....oh well.

I find myself thinking about all of it....and am happy to recommend it to anyone.
But it is addictive - hard to stop watching -

Presidents Day

Monday was my day off, Presidents day and a snow day. We got a lot of snow here in Columbus and as the day started I stopped by blockbuster and got movies to watch.

Chuck is still in Phoenix so I am on my own. Which is in some ways kind of nice. A day to myself. Too bad I also have to do the shoveling, but....

I watched 2 movies which are up for best movie of the year for the oscars - "A Serious Man" and "The Hurt Locker." They were both excellent and thought provoking movies. And with both of them I was happy to have rented so that I could watch the directors and actors commentaries afterward. I am still ruminating about them both.

What I realize this morning is that they were both about finding meaning in your life. In "A Serious Man" physics professor Larry Gopnich had his life fall apart - or maybe his illusions about his life stripped away. He went to the rabbis to help him in his confusion and they were no help to him. This is a Coen brothers movie so it is funny and quirky and has a lot of sub text. But as I reflected on the movies this morning I just thought about the essential mystery of all of our lives that we want to avoid through lives of "normalcy" or explain in some coherent way. And our lives are so complicated.

I have found meaning in my own life through my experience of God and through my faith which is both tied to the ancient stories and very personally tied to my own story. And the more I "know" both stories - the more able I am to live in the mystery of it all. And in Larry's case - he didn't even know his own story - let alone the stories of faith. Clearly I am still processing this.

"The Hurt Locker" was a war movie about an elite squad of soldiers who disarm bombs. This war in Iraq is notable for the roadside bombs and these men are so valuable. As I started to watch this movie, I thought about the war movies that have been so meaningful to me over the years - The Deer Hunter, Platoon, Saving Private Ryan. With all of them, at some point I want to stop watching - it is so hard to see what war does to people. It hurts my soul.

At the same time, we need to see these movies to understand what it means to put people in harm's way. What also struck me was how perilous life was at times in the movie and then what could they do with the emotions that came out of it? Life could change in a moment and they were sometimes responsible for that moment. How to live through it and to not be damaged forever by the experience. What a movie.

We all have experienced times in our lives when everything changes in a moment. We just don't realize it - like when someone is diagnosed with cancer or has a car accident or a loved one dies. Everything changes in a moment. And then you have to keep going. And make sense of it.

So, it is not for nothing that I call this blog Margot Ruminates. This is what I ruminate about. And am grateful to have a sense of something more behind what is going on in the present. It is mystery, of course - but it is also a loving presence. And I am talking about my experience of God who gives us comfort, strength and hope as we walk through some difficult times.

Life is hard - and very confusing at times - but God is good.
That much I know.

Leaving on a Jet Plane

Not me - Chuck

I am home after dropping him at the airport this morning. He is going to Phoenix where he is going to be the nurse/companion/cook/handyman for Ken Felt for 10 days.
Ken is having eye surgery tomorrow and Chuck is going to help out with everything.
What a guy - and what a blessing it is. For them and for Chuck

Chuck has learned that his greatest joy is helping other people and that is what he does best. In his own inimitable style.

This year for the most part it is Chuck who is picking our granddaughter Addie up at the babysitter and taking her to kindergarten every day.

It is Chuck who is on call at church for all kinds of things - fixing toilets and cleaning carpets and of course shoveling the walks.

It is Chuck who has gone to many elementary schools to be the "cookie man" surprsing the classroom with homemade cookies and this crazy man who is delivering them.

It is Chuck goes to the doctor's office and brings cookies or to a golf course and brings home made cupcakes for the staffs who work there.

It is Chuck who will give children and grandchildren milk shakes and footmassages and home made french fries and onion rings on demand.

It is Chuck who is always bringing home surprises for me - food and dishes and all kinds of things trying to make me happy.

And he does. Life is never boring when you live with this man. So I pray for the Ken in the next few days of surgery and I know that he will be taken care of by Chuck.

And my life will probably be a little dull for a while.

Halfway

Last night was the end of the 3rd semester of my Wellstreams program to become a spiritual director.
I am surprised to find that I am halfway through this process. Already.

And I have three more semesters - a year and a half and I will be through. Amazing.

I am about to enter into a really daunting part of this process. We will not only have class, read books, write papers, and have triads where we do direction with each other - but we will start doing direction on people outside of the class - for a year. I have two people to guide and I will also have to meet with my supervisor once a month.

What I have learned is to do everything as it comes and not to worry about how to get it done.

Because this clas is really about deepening our spiritual life, and growing more and more into a trust of God's presence and power - I find that my anxiety about performance has really gone down over the past two and a half years.

I have no idea where this is all going to lead. I know that the spiritual direction that I will not do will not involve parishioners, friends or family. So, we will see where God is leading me once I become more skilled in this ministry.

Anyway, it is stunning to me that time is passing so quickly on this - and I know that it will be a blink of an eye and this whole wonderful experience will be over.

I am just so glad that I took the risk and the effort to enter into this program.
It is all about following your dreams.

SBNR

Spiritual but not Religious

I spent some time today at a workshop for ministers about a category of people who are not going to church because they are "spiritual but not religious."

According to the pollster who spoke - it looks like it may be 25% of people. With the others dividing like this:
12% - Not Religious Not Spiritual
25$ SBNR
20% Religious but not Spiritual
45% Spiritual and Religious.
I know it doesn't exactly add up - but all the numbers on this stuff is mushy. Like what is spiritual and what is religious. Oh well.

I heard Dr. Linda Mercandante report on her project on SBNR which was about her qualitative research of 80 plus people who self identify as SBNR


First she talked about what causes SBNR -
1. The intellectual landscape has changed over the last 20 some years
- distrust of reason (not anti-intellectualism but an understanding of some essential mystery that reason cannot accomodate)
- distrust of authority - religious authorities too
- fear of commitment - like to keep options open
- market driven environment where everything is for sale - you can access spiritual retreats, books, people for $$
2. Post Modernism - I always hear about post modernism at workshops these days!
- sense of fragmentation
- sense that there is no accessible universal truth
- no meta narrative - and anyone promoting one is seen as suspect
- no trust and desire for community of shared meaning

And the result of this is that people are creating their own meaning and cobbling it togeher. She used the word "hybridity." Blending many things that may not be compatible.

and for many people religion is seen as a roadblock
- they reject religions claims to truth
- they fear that religion demands an abdication of personal liberty (they say Footloose and think that is all churches? )
- people want to be "patrons" and not "subscribers"

And she said that the question is no longer - where do I belong? but what is the meaning of my life with my self as the arbiter?

What she found is that there were some consistent beliefs with the people that she interviewed.
1. They believed in God - but used other language. Like "The Transcendent" and "energy," "Light" etc.
This is seen as a force to cooperate with - not necessary a source of guidance and help

2. They believe that humanity is born good - and the problems come when blocked from the source. They often believe that religion teaches that people are born evil (we don't)

3. They have no confidence in life after death - often refraining from contemplating what comes next

4. There was not a sense of ongoing community within the spiritual communities that they had.

I don't know whether this is true or not - 80 conversations do not seem like a lot to me. I do know that the SBNR folks in my life make me think about the R part and what it has meant to me to live a very religious life.

So, I listen to this and wonder about it all. I know that my whole life has been shaped by the church and by the community that i have found there over the years. When I look at my friendships on facebook I see that there are intergenerational connections because of my life in the church and camp. That doesn't include all of my relationships with the "saints" who are not computer people but have greatly affected my life.

And that my life is also influenced by the practices of my faith - study, worship, sacraments. I have experienced wonder and healing and all kinds of "God moments" - more than anyone knows that have kept me going and kept me humble.

And I love that the church forces me to care deeply about people different from me. To work with them and for them. To learn to forgive.

Because I am in the religion biz I know better than anyone else - that there are flaws. However, religion has given my life meaning and purpose. And really - a sense of excitement and wonder as I continue to learn that there is always more to learn, to do and to become in this religious life.





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Home Again

Well, the cruise is over and now I am home and happily so.

The cruise was what I needed - but very different from last year. This was a time that I wanted two things: to rest and to detach from my "church life." And I got to do both. I did not even check email _until Thursday - but more about that.

I read lots of books and it was such a blessing to have some books that reallly engaged me. I started the week finishing "Game Change" and at the end of the week I read "The Help" in one day! I recommend them both - but mostly the experience of having a day to do nothing but read and let your mind go into another world - whether it is the world of politics in 2009 or the world of Jackson Mississippi in 1963.

we also visited some isleans - Roatan, Belize and Cozumel. In Cozumel Chuck and I did what we did last year - sat in the plaza with some nachos and coronas and watched people. It was different from last year - since the girls were not along. Still nice - but I missed them.

I also missed my sister Ellen. The last few cruises we have been on have been with Ellen and Tom and so.... The grief comes and goes in the most unexpected times and places.

We returned home to some concerns. One of Rachel's best friends (Rachel is Chuck's granddaughter) was killed in a car accident on Thursday. It is just devastating for everyone. They are in our prayers.

Marnie is coping with colitis for the first time in years. It is probably because she gave up smoking. And now she is in terrific pain and wondering what to do next.

kacey continues to struggle with the job change as she moved from teaching special needs kids in an elementary school to middle school.

So, a cruise is a wonderful vacation - I recommend it to anyone and everyone. I love my life as mother and pastor. Happy to be away and happy to come home and go back into it all again.

God is at work in our rest and play, in our grief and illness, in all the changes of our lives.

I trust that.

What's Going On....

I want to have an update because I am leaving town tomorrow. And that is good news for me - a trip to New Orleans, a cruise to the Western Caribbean and two weeks out of the pulpit! Good for me.

The year is starting and it is going to be interesting.

In my Wellstreams program we are now halfway through. I am finishing the third semester this month. We have been "directing" each other this fall and now we have the names of people outside of the class that we will direct for the coming year. So, I realize that I will be adding three more meetings a month to my life - with each of this people and my supervisor. It seems daunting to me and at the same time very exciting.

At church we have started what we are labeling "A year of Passionate Spirituality" as our focus. God is still revealing what that is going to mean. But I am and will be preaching this season (Epiphany) from Paul which is in itself interesting for me. I tend to focus on the gospels and often the stories. The first two sermons have been meaningful to me - (if no one else!) and I really have felt led in this.

Yesterday two women from our healing team did a reiki treatment on one of the Oakleaf residents. Oakleaf is the retirment community next door. We will be doing a workshop there on Reiki at the end of the month and I wonder where that is going to lead.

Our Gospel Praise service is in discernment about a preacher for the future. There has been one person who has preached twice and he is fantastic. It is all I can do not to just call him and sign him up - but I know we have to do a process on this. But I am a dreamer and the thought of his coming on board sends my mind soaring into possibilities of what could happen with that church service.

Finally, I am still in process of discernment about my Sabbatical this summer. I have already put together two different plans for the time away and now I wonder what is really going to happen. This is a once in a lifetime summer for me - to have time away from the church to rest and find renewal and to continue to learn.
My first plan Devised two years ago) was to focus on healing ministries, and my second plan was more personal with family time and travel. Now the family vacation that I thought would start the sabbatical may not happen and Audrey is inviting me into working with her on a LGBT retreat in mid summer for GLAD and everything is up in the air. So I wait and wonder where God is leading me.

One more thing - I bought a book for the cruise - GAME CHANGE on Monday and can't stop reading it now! I have so much to get done before I go - but all I want to do is read this book. I am 250 pages in it in 2 days. HIGHLY recommend for all you political junkies.

Tomorrow we get on a plane at 8:15 AM and I get to really start to rest. In the meantime......a lot is going on!