Hope of Advent

 I started this day sitting at the table and spending time just looking outside at the bare trees, the sky, the water, the brown leaves on the ground and an occasional squirrel or bird flying by.  At church on Sunday I picked up an Advent devotional called "The Poetry of Advent" which is an Advent companion to Mary Oliver's devotions.  I don't have that but I  find the poems they referenced.

Here it is Thursday and I am finally doing what I said I was going to do every day during Advent - a daily devotional.  Maybe this is a beginning and I will continue after this.  I hope so.  It is so good for my spirit and my soul.

I take notes from the scripture and the reading: 

The Kingdom is near

Be Alert

"To pay attention is our endless and proper work"  - a quote from Mary Oliver's poem "Yes No"

Be on guard against being consumed with the worries of this life.

I sit and breathe it all in and feel awe just looking at the scene in front of me.  

I read another poem by Mary Oliver - "On thy wondrous works I will meditate (Psalm 145)" which begins:

"So it is not hard to understand

where God's body is, it is 

Everywhere and everything: shore and the vast 

Fields of water, the accidental and the intended

Over here, over there.  And I bow down

Participate and attentive

It is so dense and apparent.  ....."

I wish I could put into words the fullness within me just to spend a few moments like this.  Remembering that God is here and  I can  trust and let go.   

Whatever I write and whatever I say is inadequate.   John comes by on his way to blowing the leaves off the deck and I read what I have written to him and he kisses me and tells me that he loves me.  It is all so good.  At the same time  I have to shut down the voices that say - you are wasting time - you  are pretending to be spiritual - why haven't you done this more?  

The scene that surrounds me in this beautiful home  has a wildness and a desolation.  There are few leaves left on the trees and they are brown and moving in the breeze.  The sky is mottled with a faint line of pink on the horizon.  

I am so aware during this season of my own blessings and privilege.  I continue to be haunted by the events of October 6 and the brutality of Hamas against the Israelis in Gaza.  As some hostages are freed we learn about the inhuman conditions in which they were held and the reality that more people are captive and may never be released.  

So, my devotions come and remind me that God is everywhere - everywhere.  In the wonder of this chapter in my life and in the tunnels underneath hospitals in Gaza.  God is everywhere.  I trust that and live in despair and hope at the same time.  And wait. 

"Be alert" Jesus says.  "To pay attention is our endless and proper work"  writes Mary Oliver.

It is Advent.  A time of waiting and preparation.

Advent

This is my favorite time of the year.  Advent - the four weeks before our celebration of Christmas, a time of waiting and preparation.  Those are the words I would say every year to the congregation to try to explain. What I have learned is that every year is different and this year is no exception.  This year I am aware of the ways in which  new traditions intersect with the old.

  A year ago I sold my house in Columbus and gave away and threw away a whole lot of Christmas decorations.  The artificial tree that I used to set up with my grandchildren is gone  - as are some lights, candles, crosses, nativities, dishes, ornaments, and pictures.  This is a new chapter and John and I are establishing - slowly and somewhat intentionally - new traditions.  Last year we bought two birch Christmas trees with sparkling lights that sit in the living room.  We also got two reindeer that are on the hearth.  An ornament that from  Germany is on the trees as well as candy canes.  There are stockings with our names on them in front of the fireplace. This is a  beginning.

Also on the hearth is a nativity that my mother bought me fifty some years ago.  The pieces are somewhat plain and carved out of wood  and housed in a "stable" with a straw roof on it.  Over the years many of the pieces have disappeared - including baby Jesus.  We are missing a cow, a shepherd and a sheep for sure. There was one year that one of the girls put a ransom note on the manger saying that Jesus had been kidnapped.  I guess you had to be there.  I bought a new baby and manger in Israel that is made of olive wood and it is very meaningful to me.   I also added a large angel over the top of the stable.  I love it for its imperfections and all of my memories of putting it up and putting it down every year.  Sometimes with my daughters, other times with grandchildren and often alone.

Advent for me is really about waiting for Jesus to be born again.  Or to show up.   I love the imagery of the story.  I love the angels that come to Mary and the Shepherds.  I love the dreams that guide  Joseph and the Wise men.  I love the star in the sky that leads the Wise men -  first to Jerusalem and the court of Herod the corrupt and duplicitous King -  and eventually to this humble place where Mary cares for her baby.   I love the song "Mary did you know" and believe  that she did not know at all what was ahead for this child or for herself.  She is a picture of faith -  doing the next thing you are called to do even when you don't know.  You just trust.  

It is often in reflection that we see how the events came together so perfectly to take us in new directions that change our lives and the lives of other people.  But most of the time we live in "I don't know" about the future and just try to take the next step that appears. 

Yesterday morning I stood at the window looking out at Hoover Reservoir which I could not see.  There was a misty fog and I could only see  the bare trees, the leaves on the ground, the  chairs silhouetted against the white haze.  I thought that this is my life this  Advent.  As we put our lives together, as we live with health questions, as we wonder what is coming next we wait.  Waiting for the mist to clear, waiting to see what is next, waiting for the picture to fill in.  

Advent is my favorite time of the year.  The waiting in the darkness at times but always waiting in hope.