We will sing again

 I just finished doing the "pray as you go" app and the text was from Song of Solomon.  It contained these words:

The voice of my beloved,   look he comes, leaping across the mountains, bounding across the hills

my beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag

look,  there he stands behind the wall, gazing in at the window, looking through the lattice,

my beloved speaks and says to me

arise my love, my fair one and come away

for now the winter is past, the rain has come and gone, the flowers appear in the earth

the time of singing has come

There is more, but these are the words that hold me, that speak to my soul.

And I know that I have had a beloved who loved me on earth, whose love gave me security and safety.  and I really do trust that God loves me like that.

I also  trust that the time of singing will come again and realize how much I miss it - singing with others.  The memories spill out:

 - sitting the pew at First Presbyterian Church in West Chester with my sister, brothers and mother while dad was in the choir.  We all sang in parts - me trying to match my mother's alto 

- Christmas caroling as a teenager with my boyfriend and coming back to church with hot chocolate and Christmas cookies

 - singing "The Prodigal Son" at Camp Christian finding myself in tears as the dinging hall  filled with sound

- leading worship in church on Easter or Christmas Eve and hearing voices raised in praise together. as only happens in a packed sanctuaary

- singing karaoke in the Church fellowship hall for my 60th birthday

- singing in my living room two years ago following Chuck's celebration of life with Wayne and Gail leading us.

How much I love singing with others!  Singing my heart out, singing in harmony, singing through tears. 

And today I know that we WILL sing again.  For now we sing at Church with masks on and the sound is muffled.

But someday - in 2021 - we will sing again.

Make me like Joseph

This morning I spent time with the "Meditative Video" for the second week of Advent.  And, as always, these ancient stories touch my spirit.

Today we read the birth narrative, such as it is, in Matthew 1: 17-25

 

 We read through three times.  In the first reading, I found myself drawn to the "angel appeared."

I found myself pondering the question of how it is that people change their minds and change their plans.  In the beginning of the text, Joseph had an appropriate and kind plan to divorce his pregnant Mary quietly.  It was lawful and compassionate.

Through the appearance of the angel - he changed everything.  How does that happen ?  My experience is that people DO change their minds and their plans.  Is part of it - "an angel appeared"  - maybe not in a dream but in real life.  An angel is a messenger of God - is it possible that sometimes these life changes happen because of a word from someone who - often unbeknownst   to them - is speaking God's invitation.  I wonder.  I wonder

I heard the text a second time and then read it aloud a third.  And in those readings I was drawn to the humility of Joseph.  He changed his plans, he gave up sexual relations with Mary until the baby was born and he allowed the baby to be named Jesus.  That is no small thing as children were named by fathers traditionally.

And I pondered Joseph as the one whose story is in the shadows as Mary was for all eternity in the spotlight.  It is a picture of  a  surrendering of self.

This week in Advent we light the candle of peace.  I wonder if we all were like Joseph - willing to change, willing to humble ourselves, willing to support others - would this world be in as much conflict as it is?  I wonder.

Here is my prayer for today

Lord help me to be attentive to the angels who speak your words of guidance and love

May I be open to change, to have the humility to let go of ego,  to support others in their calling.

May the little that I do today work towards peace on earth.

Amen

¹⁸ This is how the birth of Jesus the Messiah came about^[d]: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be pregnant through the Holy Spirit. ¹⁹ Because Joseph her husband was faithful to the law, and yet^[e] did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.

²⁰ But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. ²¹ She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus,^[f] because he will save his people from their sins.”

²² All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet: ²³ “The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel”^[g] (which means “God with us”).

²⁴ When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife. ²⁵ But he did not consummate their marriage until she gave birth to a son. And he gave him the name Jesus.

The Sacraments of Advent

I am part of a "Readers and Writers Salon" (I named it!) which meets monthly.  We write a little something for each other and read it aloud.  It is fun to hear other people's stories and it is always helpful to write and discover what is going on inside of me.

Yesterday I wrote about my Christmas tree and how I put it up "all by myself" this year and how satisfying it was for me.  I have my reading chair beside the tree and have literally spent hours there feeling very comforted by its presence this season. The tree is a mixture of family memorabilia - reminders of places I've lived, Chuck, my children - and symbols of God with a plethora of angels hanging on it.

This morning e I saw the tree itself - its creation and its presence as a sacrament.  By that I mean it is a - to quote the dictionary - "a means of divine grace and a sign of a spiritual reality."  I cannot spend time with it without seeing the many blessings of my long life in the variety of ornaments and the reality of God's grace through it all.  The tree itself is at least twenty years old and it leans slightly forward and would not be anybody's idea of a well designed HGTV inspiration for Christmas.  But this year I understand - it is a sacrament reminding me of God's presence through this time of waiting.

In the same way, I decided that maybe I should send out Christmas cards this year.  Not as a duty or an obligation but as a sacrament - a way to let people in my life know that I care about them, I love them and want to connect with them.  That is probably an obvious understanding of what Christmas cards are about - but I honestly have approached so much of Christmas over the years - as obligation and not fully appreciated the sacramental nature of what it can be - an expression of love and grace to others and a way to remember and experience the love and grace of God.

So maybe - if I get really ambitious - I will make some cookies and pass them out to the neighbors.  To say - it is good to live near you and to be in relationship with you.  As a sacrament of love.  This does not have to be a season of just waiting in the dark for the light to come again - We can engage in the sacraments of the season which will bring me closer to God and to others.  

Here is a picture of my tree followed by what I wrote for the salon yesterday.  

 

 

O Christmas Tree

My Christmas tree  - my artificial, twenty year old Christmas tree !  You have  become a source of blessing and solace  in the midst of this  strange and gray Advent season.

This was the very first year that I put the tree together, the lights on and decorated with ornaments all by myself.  When Chuck was around, he was in the background – at least bringing the tree  in its box up from the basement.  Frequently I would have grandchildren help with the decorations.  We would listen to music and sometimes they would let me tell them sentimental stories about the origin of the ornaments.

But this year, I did it all myself.  I had to bring the pieces of the tree up separately as the box was too big for me.  I managed to place the tree in the stand so that it leans only a little bit – which is pretty much how it always looks.  I placed the lights  exactly where I wanted them and sorted through the ornaments so that only my favorites are on this year.  And when I was done, I went outside and looked at it through the front window with great satisfaction.

It took about three hours and it was extremely rewarding for me.

The ornaments  on this tree tell so much of the story of my life:

There is a a ceramic angel from a church bazaar in Scranton Pennsylvania where Kacey was born

-          And  a  little white lamb purchased at the Golden  Lamb restaurant in Lebanon Ohio  in 1978 where we had holiday dinners with the inlaws when we lived in Lebanon.

-          And A bird sitting in a nest held to the tree by a clothes pin we bought at the Christmas shop in Manteo North Carolina where we vacationed for thirty some years

-          There is a A Chrismon from Karl Road Christian Church An angel given by a friend in Bowling Green Ohio

-          A Red plaid and burlap ornament that has Merry Christmas GRCC 2019 written in marker

There are reminders of Chuck

-          A little Santa figure holding a hammer

-          A large fish with bobbers and lure attached that says “Bud’s Bobbers  - Guaranteed to catch the Big  Ones”

-          A wishbone covered in ribbons created by Chuck who always insisted on saving the wishbone on every turkey

There are family ornaments

-          A picture of 6 year old Audrey in s blue sweater

-          And 4 year old Jackson, And 3 year old Reagan,

-           And a cat ornament with Maggie’s name on it.

I sit and savor the memories that my Christmas tree brings to mind.  It is a touchstone to my past and a comfort in the present.

O Christmas Tree , my Christmas tree  - you speak to me today: This is where you  come from, here are your memories, here is love.

Meditative Video

Last week Pastor and John and I put together 9 videos for the season of Advent.  Nine! I look back in wonder at what we accomplished so quickly.  

A couple of weeks ago I was listening to a podcast about Christmas in the church in 2020 and realized that most people will not be worshiping in the church this season.  I thought it would be a gift to provide  a way to worship at home.  John and I talked about putting together two videos a week - one would be interactive for a family or friends to do together.  It involved lighting the Advent candle, listening to the Christmas story of the week, having conversation about the story, and suggesting a a "reach out" activity for the week.  The other one would be "meditative" and essentially a lectio divina as we hear the text several times and listen for God's word to us.

I wrote up the scripts which he edited and he ordered candles and arranged for a day of filming the videos.  By last Sunday we had 100 bags with candles and scripts for families in the church and every week we release two videos.

This morning I thought I would experience the meditative video - not critiquing it but just participating in the experience that is offered.  I found that it was very meaningful to me.  What I learn over and over again is that if we spend a little time with God - God will speak.  In the words of James Finley - "Sincerity goes a long way with God."

So, I heard the story of the annunciation three times. I have led Advent retreats for at least 25 years and this scripture is often central to our time together.  AND no matter how many times I read it - it continues to inform my life and my faith.  Here is the text:

²⁶ In the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent by God to a town in Galilee called Nazareth, ²⁷ to a virgin engaged to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David. The virgin’s name was Mary. ²⁸ And he came to her and said, “Greetings, favored one! The Lord is with you.”^[b] 29 But she was much perplexed by his words and pondered what sort of greeting this might be. ³⁰ The angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. ³¹ And now, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you will name him Jesus. ³² He will be great, and will be called the Son of the Most High, and the Lord God will give to him the throne of his ancestor David. ³³ He will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of his kingdom there will be no end.” ³⁴ Mary said to the angel, “How can this be, since I am a virgin?”^[c] 35 The angel said to her, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; therefore the child to be born^[d] will be holy; he will be called Son of God. ³⁶ And now, your relative Elizabeth in her old age has also conceived a son; and this is the sixth month for her who was said to be barren. ³⁷ For nothing will be impossible with God.” ³⁸ Then Mary said, “Here am I, the servant of the Lord; let it be with me according to your word.” Then the angel departed from her.

Three phrases speak to me today::

The Lord is with you

  Elizabeth in her old age conceived a child

Nothing will be impossible with God

 These words remind me that in the midst of the isolation of this pandemic and my  continued grief during this season - the Lord IS with me.  And I trust that God's spirit is comforting, guiding and healing me.

I now, in my old age,  identify with Elizabeth in this story - who is surprised to find herself with child in her old age.  And it is a promise that God is not done with any of us - and that we can continue to "give birth."  God's spirit is a spirit of creativity and newness .

And as I  live through this endless pandemic and the challenging political scene and my own struggles with living alone, my faith believes that "Nothing will be impossible."  I pray, I work, I trust that promise.Julian of Norwich said:

All shall be well

All shall be well

and all manner of things shall be well.

As I reflect back on the last few weeks I believe that Pastor John and I "gave birth" to these videos that for some people will help them to worship and experience God's presence and "locution" to them.

 I continue to live in grace and gratitude. 

(you can access the videos on the Gender Road Christian Church facebook page or Youtube account )

First sunday of Advent - HOPE

I write this at 8:30 Sunday morning and soon I will be in the car driving to church.  We will live stream at 10 AM and have a short "in person" service at 11:15.  We celebrate Advent and today is about HOPE - waiting for the light.

As I showered this morning I thought about what I would say as a communion meditation.  It is clear to me that our hope is based on our memory.  The Psalmists often write about God's deliverance of the children of Israel from Egypt.  As we struggle in the present, we remember God's protection in the past and trust that it is here today.  In the same way, when we come to the Lord's Table we remember that "on the night that he was betrayed" Jesus shared himself with the disciples with the bread and the cup and in essence said - "I am with you" - as you remember me in these symbols.  That's probably what I am going to say.

As I remember back two years ago, as Chuck was declining and eventually dying I had a very clear sense that God was with me.  I remember sitting on the couch and looking at the Christmas tree and just knowing.  Just knowing that God was with me.  Emmanuel - God is WITH us.

So we begin Advent 2020 - in the dark days of a pandemic that continues to surge.  Our political scene continues to be chaotic and my grief is still present.  And so is God.  That is my faith, my trust, my hope.

Here are some readings on HOPE

 

 

Because when all is said and done,
the last word is Immanuel — God With Us.
— Isaiah 8:10, The Message

 

Hope and Fear cannot occupy the same space at the same time. Invite one to stay. Invite one to stay.
— Maya Angelou from Sacred Threshold by Paula D’Arcy

 

Hope, like every virtue, is a choice that becomes a practice that becomes spiritual muscle memory. It’s a renewable resource for moving through life as it is, not as we wish it to be.
— Krista Tippett from Becoming Wise 

 

Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it. My optimism, then, does not rest on the absence of evil, but on a glad belief in the preponderance of good and a willing effort always to cooperate with the good, that it may prevail. I try to increase the power God has given me to see the best in everything and every one, and make that Best a part of my life.

— Helen Keller from Optimism

The Holy Longing

 One of my "directees" told me that she was reading the book The Holy Longing by Ronald Rolheiser and I realized that I had that book in my library and had read it when I was in the Wellstreams program. 

So, I spent some time with it this morning in prayer and reflection.  And found myself moved by what I was reading.  He writes about the desire that is our dis-ease. 

"Whatever the expression, everyone is ultimately talking about the same thing - an unquenchable fire, a restlessness, a longing, a disquiet, a hunger, a loneliness, a gnawing nostlgia, a wildness that cannot be tamed, a congenital all-embracing ache that lies at the center of human experience and is the ultimate force that drives everything else.

....sometimes it hits us as pain - dissatisfaction, frustration and aching.  At other times its grip is not felt as painful at all, but as a deep energy, as something beautiful....Spirituality is ultimately about what we do with that desire.  What we do with our longings, both in terms of handling the pain and the hope they bring us, that is our spirituality.

I've included all of these quotes because I want to remember them and it expresses so well how I feel. I live between pain and hope as I imagine all people do - when we have the courage to feel our deepest feelings and get in touch with that deep desire.

He writes that a healthy spirit (soul) gives us energy and love AND keeps us glued together.  He describes it as fire and water.  There is energy and chaos and there is peace and order.  And we can lean into one side or the other at times.

What I know to be true is that my salvation is always going to be found in that mystery of prayer.  Somehow my awareness of God's love and presence helps to anchor me in the midst of the muddle that is me.  It is easy to tamp down the desire which can lead to depression in a heartbeat. But it is in times of prayer and reflection that I can recognize God's activity in my life and emerge with a greater sense of purpose and clarity about me, about life, about God.

In the course I have been taking on Teresa of Avila James Finley writes about how much we like to sit in a comfortable chair with a book on prayer and underline insightful passages.  God knows I do love to do that.  It is, however, when we shut the book and spend time with God that the mystery of presence emerges. 

Here is a blessing by Maxine Shonk

May the God of CONTEMPLATION bless you,calling you into the still point of Divine Presence.

Out of the silent center of your being may you bring serenity and peace to every circumstance and to each person.

May your contemplation bear fruit in the words that you speak and the work that you do.

May the God of CONTEMPLATION bless you.

The King who is a Shepherd

Today is Christ the King Sunday - the last week of "ordinary time" before we start a new year liturgically in the church for Advent.  

I listened to "pray as you go" this morning  and the reading was from Ezekial 34: 11,12, 15, 16

For thus says the Lord God: I myself will search for my sheep, and will seek them out. ¹² As shepherds seek out their flocks when they are among their scattered sheep, so I will seek out my sheep. I will rescue them from all the places to which they have been scattered on a day of clouds and thick darkness.

. ¹⁵ I myself will be the shepherd of my sheep, and I will make them lie down, says the Lord God.  ¹⁶ I will seek the lost, and I will bring back the strayed, and I will bind up the injured, and I will strengthen the weak, but the fat and the strong I will destroy. I will feed them with justice.

  Another text for today is Matthew 25: 31-46 which is a parable where Jesus talks about a king and compares him to a shepherd.  

This past week I binge watched "The Crown" which is a story about modern day monarchy . Often you are struck by how distant and grand the lives of the royal family are as compared to the ordinary people.  We talk about worshiping God the "King" but this king is a shepherd who gets "down and dirty" seeking after the lost, strayed, wounded sheep.  When I listened to the text from Ezekiel, I was struck by the words - "I myself" - a God who is intimately involved in the care of the flock.

That has been my experience as I continue to grow in my own faith.  I am coming to the end of another Journal and find myself looking back on what I have written in the past few months.  It all speaks to a relationship with God in which I am being - slowly, slowly, slowly - changed. Changed as in - strengthened, healed, guided, loved.  

One of the phrases I wrote in my journal that I don't want to forget is this

Prayer is being quietly present to love that loves me.

Just that understanding brings hope and healing.  I use the word - Lord - in prayer because I submit myself to one who is greater than I am.  I experience his love as a shepherd that continues to seek me, call me, protect me.  And that gives me peace today.

Here is a poem by Edwina Gately that speaks to me today

Silent God

This is my prayer—
That, though I may not see,
I be aware
Of the Silent God
Who stands by me.
That, though I may not feel,
I be aware
Of the Mighty Love
Which doggedly follows me.
That, though I may not respond,
I be aware
That God—my Silent, Mighty God,
Waits each day.
Quietly, hopefully, persistently.
Waits each day and through each night
For me.
For me—alone.

.

A prayer for today

I am sitting at church and in ten minutes we will be doing our zoom Bible study of Matthew 25: 31-46.  It is the judgment scene of the Son of Man who comes in glory and the picture of a King who separates people as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats.

We will talk about the acts of the disciples - that is what we do to feed the hungry, give drink to the thirsty, welcome the stranger.  This will definitely relate to the sermon that I just preached on Sunday about the talents and how God wants us to use whatever we have been given to bring the kingdonm of God - the kingdom of Love - on earth.

In the course of my reading commentaries and perusing studies on the internet, I found this poem.  It really speaks to me and I share it now here.

A Fransican blessing from the 20th Century:

May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.

May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation and war, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain into joy.

May God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done.

Amen

Pray as you go

Pray as you go is an app that I listen to a couple of days a week and it is also the way I seem to be living my life.

In the last four days I have preached a funeral and two sermons. I have played pickleball and games with my family.  Yesterday Marnie's house lost electricity  and so I have welcomed her and her three daughters into my home in the interim.  Right now Addie is "at school" in one bedroom, Marnie is "at work" in another bedroom and Maggie is watching TV before she "goes to school."

And I pray as I go

Today's app contains these words

Let me live as a child of light.  I ask the Lord to open my eyes to what he wants me to see.  Shine a light into my life.

The story into which we enter into imaginatively is about the blind man who hear Jesus passing by:  Jesus, son of the living God, have mercy on me."

I sit and so resonate with this.  Because his desire is to see.  

Last week, Pastor John was out of town and I went to play pickleball at church.  The church has bought a pickleball net and it was not where we had left it -by the back door.  I searched everywhere and could not find it.  Fortunately some of us have our own nets and we were able to play - but I was concerned that there was a pickleball net thief in Canal Winchester!  

When John came back in town he told me that he had put it under the couch in my office - sticking out a little so I would see it.  I did not.  And I told him - don't you know that half the time I am unconscious?

And I know that to be true.  What I don't know is what I miss seeing - I only know what I am able to glimpse.  As I reflect on the past weekend I certainly see glimpses of the holy - in the words that God gives me in the preaching I do, in the beauty of a chilly morning in the park playing pickleball with a daughter, in the blessing of interactions with some of the older saints of the church, in the family life I get to partake in again for a day or so watching mother and daughters negotiate life together.  

As a new week begins -  my prayer is to see - to see what God wants me to see, to see the beauty as well as the pain.  To have the faith to then go and do what is mine to do. 

I am praying in the morning and I am praying as I go.  Even in the midst of increasing cases of covid and a peculiar time in our nation of transition/no transition God is here.  Loving, healing, calling.

Open our eyes!

Locutions

James Finley in the course I am taking on Teresa of Avila spoke about the locutions of God.  It is the word that we see, we hear, the feeling that comes over us.  As he spoke about it, I realize how important locutions are for me - in guiding and strengthening me.

One of the most important "words" spoken are The Word - that is scripture.  On Thursdays at 3 oclock I lead a zoom group which I have now called the "Spiritual Growth Group."  We originally were a book study but when that was finished we now just speak about our own journeys with God , share the locutions we have received, and engage in lectio divina.  Which is one of the most important ways in which we can hear God's word.

Yesterday we spent time with Psalm 70 which is called a prayer for deliverance from enemies.

¹ Be pleased, O God, to deliver me.
    O Lord, make haste to help me!

² Let those be put to shame and confusion
    who seek my life.
Let those be turned back and brought to dishonor
    who desire to hurt me.

³ Let those who say, “Aha, Aha!”
    turn back because of their shame.

⁴ Let all who seek you
    rejoice and be glad in you.
Let those who love your salvation
    say evermore, “God is great!”

⁵ But I am poor and needy;
    hasten to me, O God!

You are my help and my deliverer;
    O Lord, do not delay!

 

We read it through five times and concentrated on different parts of the Psalm.  I never know exactly what I am doing in leading this but keep learning to trust God throughout our time together.  

And I found myself pondering the word "deliver."  There are some things we cannot do alone.  we cannot deliver a baby by ourselves.  We cannot save ourselves from ourselves.  My enemy can be my own tendencies , my own ego, my own  self centeredness, my own self righteousness.  And the hope I have is found in God alone.  To DELIVER.  

Someone talked about how we have parts of ourselves that is the enemy - the parts that shame and dishonor us.

And then there is the word that reminds us that we are part of an "ALL" that is seeking God and finding God's compassion and greatness.  

I keep learning that God loves each of us as we are - YES!  And that that is the necessary beginning of the journey of faith.  The journey continues as we open ourselves to God's locutions which will over time begin that work of transforming us.  We are on a journey - like a caterpillar to a butterfly with tattered wings.  

My hope for myself and for everyone is that we can listen, look, feel, know God is speaking words that can comfort, inspire, help and deliver us.